From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Thu Jan 24 00:03:21 2008 Received: from moose.cs.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/IUCS_2.80) with ESMTP id m0O53KEZ019550; Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:03:21 -0500 (EST) Received: (from daemon@localhost) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.13.8/8.13.8/Submit) id m0O53KhR019548; Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:03:20 -0500 (EST) Date: Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:03:20 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <200801240503.m0O53KhR019548@moose.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1429 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1429 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1429 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:03:09 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1429 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1424 35 votes 29ea0 04j75 165bc 15c89 05h85 06cb6 35ga1 4bb63 24cd4 6a991 1424 3.2 mean 2.9 3.4 3.8 3.5 3.4 3.5 3.0 2.8 3.4 2.7 --- 1429-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MARK LAWRENCE The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } What is a "cute mute". } } I'll take Rhyme Time for $5000, Alex. --- 1429-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave Hemming The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Ancient Wisest One whose very mind > encloses all our thoughts and every hope, > thou shapes the worlds and thou all futures bind, > yet suffereth the emo yet to mope, > Who art eternal, bound by naught but thy > own character, unchanging throughout time, > who clasps the chaos of temporal cries, > and all dimensions twists to thy own rhyme. > Tis thee alone who knows the origin > of flowing time, yea, and who knows its end, > who weaves the worlds in tapestries within > the whorls of ways that only thou canst wend, > now harken then to my own fickle cry, > and speak thy words to one whose time must fly. > > What's the average response time on these tellme's, anyway? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It depends where you are. } } Here at Oracle Central(tm), we typically spend anywhere from 100 } nanoseconds to 5 milliseconds calculating the reply to any question } we receive. Since the queue depth varies from 0 to 250 messages, } the total lag time between receiving the question and sending the } completed reply can vary from 100 nanoseconds to well over a second - } but the average, I'm proud to say, is only 7.2 milliseconds. } } Of course, this doesn't mean that you're ever going to get a response } 7.2 milliseconds after you press the "SEND" button on your E-mail } program. There are several things that have to happen after you } press "SEND" before the message is actually received here at Oracle } Central(tm), and several other things that happen after the reply is } completed before you receive the response. All of these things are } beyond our control: } } 1. Your local E-mail program has to stuff your sent message into it's } "OUTBOX". The amount of time taken for this step depends on the } speed of your processor and hard disk. } } 2. Your local E-mail program has to connect to your ISP (Internet } Service Provider)'s E-mail system. The amount of time taken for } this step depends on the type of connection you use, which ISP you } use, what time of day it is, and 20 other factors - none of which } are controlled by either you or me. } } 3. Your ISP has to determine who the message is from (you), validate } your password, and decide whether or not you're allowed to send } E-mail (if your mailbox is full, or you haven't paid your bill, it } might not let the message through). } } 4. Your ISP has to decide which computer is supposed to receive the } message (cs.indiana.edu), and figure out how to route a message } there. } } 5. Your ISP has to connect to cs.indiana.edu and request permission to } transmit an E-mail message. } } 6. Your ISP has to actually transmit the e-mail message. } } 7. Our computer has to process the e-mail message and recognize the } "tellme" request. } } 8. Our computer has to decide which priest is available to screen the } message. } } 9. Our priest has to realize that a tellme is waiting to be processed. } } 10. Our priest has to finish whatever he/she is already doing - which } might involve finishing their current meal, flushing a toilet, or } possibly even putting their clothes back on. } } 11. Our priest has to click the "receive" button to download the } tellme. } } 12. Optionally, our priest has to read the tellme and determine that it } is appropriate. Most of the time they skip this step (you will } notice that cruddy tellme's still get through - priests rarely pay } attention to what they say). } } 13. Our priest has to consult the incarnation list (generated from both } askme's and tellme's), and select the next vict- I mean, the next } lucky incarnation. } } 14. Our priest has to click the "SEND" button to forward the tellme to } the - um - lucky incarnation. } } 15. Our local E-mail program has to stuff the message into it's } "OUTBOX". } } 16. Our local E-mail program has to connect to our ISP. } } 17. Our local ISP has to determine who the message is from (us), } validate our password, and decide that we are allowed to send } E-mail. } } 18. Our local ISP has to connect to the ISP of the chosen incarnation } and request permission to transmit an E-mail message. } } 19. Our local ISP has to actually transmit the e-mail message. } } 20. The incarnation's ISP has to save the E-mail message in local } storage. } } 21. The incarnation has to turn on his/her computer. } } 22. The incarnation has to log on to his/her computer. } } 23. The incarnation has to start up their E-mail program. } } 24. The incarnation has to connect to the Internet through their local } ISP. } } 25. The incarnation's ISP has to decide to allow the incarnation to } connect to the Internet. } } 26. The incarnation has to click the "RECEIVE" or "DOWNLOAD" button on } their E-mail program. } } 27. The incarnation's ISP has to check if there is any mail waiting to } be received. } } 28. The incarnation's ISP has to load the message from local storage. } } 29. The incarnation's ISP has to transmit the message to the } incarnation's local computer. } } 30. The incarnation's computer has to acknowledge that the message has } been received. } } 31. The incarnation has to disconnect from the Internet } } 32. The incarnation has to click on the message header, to read the } message. } } 33. The incarnation has to read the message. (For some indecipherable } messages, this can take a LONG time.) } } * * * Here's the step we're proud of * * * } 34. The incarnation has to formulate a reply - on average, this takes } 7.2 milliseconds. } * * * That was the step we're proud of * * * } } 35. The incarnation has to press the "REPLY" button. } } 36. The incarnation has to type the reply into their E-mail program. } For long replies (for instance, if there's a numbered list of steps } that goes from 1 to 71), this can take a LONG time. } } 36. The incarnation ought to read the reply, to double-check that it } was typed correctly - and if any errors are found, fix them. (For } many incarnations, this step is skipped; you will notice that } cruddy answers are not at all rare.) } } 37. The incarnation can choose to include a phrase such as "Incarnated } by AllanW" (or just [AllanW]) if he has a big ego. } } 38. The incarnation has to press the SEND button. } } 39. The incarnation's E-mail program has to stuff the reply message } into it's "OUTBOX". } } 40. The incarnation's E-mail program has to connect to an ISP (Internet } Service Provider)'s E-mail system. } } 41. The incarnation's ISP has to determine who the message is from, } validate the password, and decide whether or not to allow the } E-mail. } } 42. The incarnation's ISP has to decide which computer is supposed to } receive the message (cs.indiana.edu), and figure out how to route a } message there. } } 43. The incarnation's ISP has to connect to cs.indiana.edu and request } permission to transmit an E-mail message. } } 44. The incarnation's ISP has to actually transmit the e-mail message. } } 45. Our computer has to process the e-mail message and recognize the } "answer" request. } } 46. Our computer has to decide which priest is available to screen the } message. } } 47. Our priest has to realize that an answer is waiting to be } processed. } } 48. Our priest has to finish whatever he/she is already doing - which } might involve finishing their current meal, flushing a toilet, or } possibly even putting their clothes back on. } } 49. Our priest has to click the "receive" button to download the } answer. } } 50. Optionally, our priest has to read the answer and determine that it } is appropriate. Most of the time they skip this step (you will } notice that cruddy answers still get through, even if they're MIME } formatted - priests rarely pay attention to what it says). } } 51. Our priest has to look up which supplicant sent the question in the } first place. } } 52. Our priest has to click the "SEND" button to forward the answer to } the original supplicant. } } 53. Our local E-mail program has to stuff the message into it's } "OUTBOX". } } 54. Our local E-mail program has to connect to our ISP. } } 55. Our local ISP has to determine who the message is from (us), } validate our password, and decide that we are allowed to send } E-mail. } } 56. Our local ISP has to connect to your ISP and request permission to } transmit an E-mail message. } } 57. Our local ISP has to actually transmit the e-mail message. } } 58. Your ISP has to save the E-mail message in local storage. } } 59. You have to turn on your computer. } } 60. You have to log on to your computer. } } 61. You have to start up your E-mail program. } } 62. You have to connect to the Internet through your local ISP. } } 63. Your ISP has to decide to allow you to connect to the Internet. } } 64. You have to click the "RECEIVE" or "DOWNLOAD" button on your E-mail } program. } } 65. Your ISP has to check if there is any mail waiting to be received. } } 66. Your ISP has to load the message from local storage. } } 67. Your ISP has to transmit the message to your local computer. } } 68. Your computer has to acknowledge that the message has been } received. } } 69. You have to disconnect from the Internet } } 70. You have to click on the message header, to read the message. } } 71. You have to read the message. (For some indecipherable answers, } this can take a LONG time.) } } [Incarnated as AllanW - yes, I have a big ego.] } } Some of these steps can take anywhere from 1 second to 1 week to } complete. And if any one of these steps go wrong, the answer could get } garbled or completely f#$9p87@@@@@@~@@@ } NO CARRIER --- 1429-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "J. Avedon" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You and your wife, I understand, had twin baby daughters yesterday and } now you want to know whether that's what you really you ordered. You } do not remember whether you asked for daughters or sons, so you want } to make sure. After all, it was 9 months ago when you ordered. These } storks take a while. You are indeed very forgetful in other, more } important matters as well. For instance, you have forgotten to tie } your shoe laces today. And you forgot to speak to your Oracle in } proper humble tones. Being a generous Oracle I am, and you being a new } father, I will be lenient and answer your question. } } Luckily, International Stork and Cabbage corporation keeps very good } records. Unluckily I hear ISC has notoriously difficult customer } service. Your Oracle will make the attempt. I know how to handle these } things. I know how to talk to them, asking clear questions and using a } calm, gentle, but authoritative voice. It should only take a few } minutes. } } *dial the number on the Oracle Phone* } } Phone: Welcome to the International Stork and Cabbage Customer Service. } } Oracle: Hello, I am the Internet Oracle. I would like to-- } } Phone: All our lines are busy right now. There are 170134 people ahead } of you in the queue. Please consider calling us at another time. } } Oracle: Oh shoot. } } *click* } } I will use mastery of time and space to pick a less busy time and try } again. Let's travel forward in time! } } *ZAPP* } } *dial again* } } Phone: Welcome to the International Stork and Cabbage Customer } Service. All our lines are busy right now. There are 21534 people } ahead of you in the queue. Please consider calling us at another time. } } Oracle: That's even more! Okay, I'm going to wait this time. } } Phone: Your call is very important to us. Please wait. } } Oracle: I'll handle some email while I'm waiting... Put it on speaker } phone so I can type... Let's see. } } Phone: *Muzak* } } Oracle: Argh, why do they even play music through a phone line? It's } not going to be anything but horrible even if it were good music! } Anyway.. back to email... } } Oracle: Hmmm.. no grovel... All right, I'm going to answer him anyway. } Yes, the laser death cannon is the best investment.. Da dum.. Da dum } da dam.. Ah, an easy one. It was the other rabbit that was the } murderer... } } Phone: This is International Stork and Cabbage. Thank you for waiting. } } Oracle: Ah, finally. Look, I'm the Internet Oracle and I-- } } Phone: Unfortunately there are still 21507 people ahead in the queue. } Your call is VERY important to us. Please wait. } } Oracle: *grumble*. } } Phone: *music* } } Oracle: Okay, next email. Let's see...Mmm... Sorry madam, but that's a } question for Bill Cosby, not the Oracle.... Forwarded. Next. Mmmm } mmmm. Hey, wow, this one has a proper grovel. "I am certain you will } be surprised to recive this mail from me, indeed, I sincerely } apologize for the embarrassment this might cause you." Good and old } fashioned. It brings a smile to my face. "However, I wish to state, } that it is sincerely necessitated by my present plight and I pray you } will readily be of tremendous assistance." It's okay, I answer } questions every day. An interesting Nigerian business offer... Yes, Mr } BENJAMIN MABUKO, I will gladly wire the required advance fee to any } Western Union branch you may require. Yes, my dear supplicant, I know } it is a scam. It just amuses me to support them. Dadum dadum.. Ah, } there is Madam ABACHA again. She too will received the required funds. } What's this? ARGHHH W*dch*k question! ZZZZZOT! Next... } } Phone: This is International Stork and Cabbage. Thank you for waiting. } We really care about your call. There are still 21508 people ahead in } the queue. } } Oracle: That's one more than last time! What's this? Someone is } cutting in ahead of me? Let's see, what was that code again? Ah, yes. } *enter code on phone* } } Phone: This is Echelon Backdoor, revision 47A. } } Oracle: YES! } } Phone: Press 1 to listen in on conversations. Press 2 to examine or } manipulate the queue. Press 3 to fire the orbital--*beep* You have } selected 2: examine or manipulate the queue. Press 1 to jump ahead in } the queue. Press 2 to examine the queue. Press 3 to--*beep* You have } selected 2: examine the queue. Press 1 to see who is in the queue. } Press 2 to get the total queue length. Press 3 if you want to go } back--*beep* You have selected 1: see who is in the queue. Please } enter the number in the queue you want to examine and then #. } } Oracle: Let's test this thing. *21509#* } } Phone: Number -- 21509 -- in the queue is: the Internet Oracle. Press } 1 to contact, press 2 to select another queue entry-- } } Oracle: Pretty good! Now to see who cut ahead... *21508#* } } Phone: Number -- 21508 -- in the queue is: caveman Og. Press 1 to } contact, press-- } } Oracle: WHAT!? Let's see what he wants? } } Phone: *beep* You selected 1: contact caveman Og. Please wait. } } Oracle: This is International Stork and Cabbage, I'm Peggy, how may I } help you? } } Phone: Og speak. Og want know why baby head shaped wrong. } } Oracle: Shaped wrong, sir? } } Phone: Yes, Og see baby head all big and round. Normal head flat and } smaller. Og worry. } } Oracle: Oh, that's just human evolution. Probably homo sapiens. } } Phone: Og not understand. } } Oracle: We're always improving our systems for better customer } satisfaction, sir. Due to improvement in our transportation technology } storks drop babies on the head almost 79 percent less than before. } This explains the different shape. } } Phone: Og understand. Og will bounce babies after delivery to make head } normal. } } Oracle: May I ask you a question for customer research reasons, sir? } } Phone: Og ok. } } Oracle: Did you do something special when you dialed us? } } Phone: Yes, Og one night got drunk with Oracle, and Oracle gave very } secret code for phones. Og now use code all the time. } } Oracle: What? I did?--*cough* I mean, sir, a code? } } Phone: Og will share code for helping Og with question. Code is-- } } Oracle: Uhh. That will be all right sir. Thank you and good bye! } } Phone: *beep* you selected-- } } Oracle: let's get this over with... } } Phone: *beep* you selected--*beep*You selected queue manipulation. } Press 1 to jump ahead to the front of the queue. Press--*beep* You are } now number -- 1 -- in the queue. } } Oracle: Finally! } } Phone: This is International Stork and Cabbage. } } Oracle: Finally! Now, I have a question about-- } } Phone: There are 28887 people ahead of you in the queue. Please wait. } We really care about you and your question! } } Oracle: What?! This is queue is crazy. It goes back and forth... Let's } do some more time travel. Should've done it a long time ago. *ZAPP* } } Phone: -- 27999 people-- *ZAPP* -- 267123 -- *ZAPP* -- 24158 -- *ZAPP* } } Oracle: now we're getting somewhere... } } Phone: There are 21712 -- *ZAPP* -- 31444 -- } } Oracle: What? Increasing again? Reverse timeflow! *PPAZ* } } Phone: 11711 -- *PPAZ* -- 7718 -- *PPAZ* -- 9221 -- } } Oracle: No you don't! *ZAPP* } } Phone: 513 -- *ZAPP* -- 42 -- *ZAPP* -- 12 -- *ZAPP* -- 14 -- *PPAZ* } -- 5 -- *ZAPP* -- 1 -- ... Um, hello, who is this? } } Oracle: I'm the Internet Oracle and I have a question. } } Phone: A question? } } Oracle: Aren't you International Stork and Cabbage? } } Phone: Um, yeah... } } Oracle: So I have this question... } } Phone: Why? } } Oracle: Because I need to know something! I answer questions all the } time, it's not very hard. Isn't this customer service? } } Phone: Well, yeah, officially, but nobody ever calls this line... } } Oracle: What do you mean, nobody ever calls this line? You have } thousands of people queuing up! } } Phone: Sure, in the queue. That doesn't mean we let them out and make } our phones ring... } } Oracle: Now, about my question, it's from a Mr. Lishang, relating to } your recent delivery to his household. } } Phone: We don't really answer customer questions.. We have a strict } no-return policy anyway. I don't know how you got through, but-- } } Oracle: Now LISTEN TO ME, you mortal! I am getting really tired of } this! Do I have to zot you? Just answer my simple question! } } Phone: Well, if you're not going to make a habit out of it... } } Oracle: I will decide how many questions I get to ask! I'm the } INTERNET ORACLE! I'm *this* close to zotting you! ANSWER MY } QUESTION!!! } } Phone: You don't have to get all stroppy about it... I already said I } was going to answer.. } } Oracle: Well, Mr. Lishang wants to know whether he asked for } daughters, or perhaps sons. He can't remember himself. } } Phone: Let me look it up in the computer... No doubt about it... It's } certainly daughters. Delivered yesterday 15:07 UTC by Stork Employee } 17, extra large dual head cabbage. } } Oracle: That's all I wanted to know. Thank you. } } Phone: You're welcome, I guess... } } *click* } } That answers your question, then. You asked for daughters, not sons, } and they sent them to you as requested. Don't make me go through that } again. Write it down somewhere next time. } } You owe the Oracle your daughters, in give or take 25 years. --- 1429-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Desperate Oracle, Please help Me! I wanted to get a job as a football > couch, and they said I have to learn the rules better. I thought it > would be a soft job. > > What should I do? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It is indeed a soft job. The rules are simple. } } You must: } 1. Provide a padded and comfortable surface for football watchers. } 2. Bear up under whatever is placed on you. } 3. Subsist upon beer, chips and dip, and similar food/drink choices. } } You must not: } 1. Complain about unpleasant sights, sounds, smells, or tactile } sensations. } 2. Move voluntarily. } 3. Consume anything that has not been spilled on you. } 4. Consider your occupants to have been spilled on you. (They may } seem unappetizing now, but this may change after you've been on the } spills-only diet for a few weeks.) } } You owe the Oracle some Cheetos. In an unopened bag. --- 1429-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Linux is gay. Who in their right mind would abbreviate distribution to > 'distro'? It's *distrib*, morons. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Linux is not gay. Operating systems have no gender, and thus cannot } be sexually attracted to members of the same (or opposite) sex. It } has been rumored though, that it gets immense pleasure from having its } kernel recompiled. } } As for your question regarding distributions, originally they decided } to abbreviate it as simply the letter 'D'. This was fine for people } who threw around words like grep, bash, ls, tar, and awk. } Unfortunately, as linux became more popular people began to confuse it } with "Device", "Download", and "Deadly Ninja Virus" } } So they started referring to distributions as "dis's" to alleviate the } confusion. Unfortunately, it didn't help much as there was as belief } that they meant "discombobulation", "discarded woodchuck teeth" and } "disillusionment" You may recall the Discombobulation virus that was } floating around the internet in the early 90's, which only aggravated } the problem. } } "Oh no, I don't want to download the linux discombobulation virus!" } } So they started referring to them as you suggested "distribs", but you } know how people are. They see "distrib" and instantly think "Dual } Internal Static Reusable Illusatrated Brainmatter" which of course is } not at all what anybody wants. } } So there you have it, the evolution of a linux distro. } } You owe the Oracle a plush Tux doll. --- 1429-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > You rang? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Yes, I did. } } > How could you? This goes against- } } What was I supposed to do? Phones have to ring. No exceptions. } } > It was a telemarketer! } } I was just- } } > No! You defied every single fiber of the Telephone Code! You're } > supposed to help your humans, not betray them! } } I- } } > I'm sorry. But this has to be done. } } [Dial tone sound.] --- 1429-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm bored. Have any suggestions? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle's Top 100 Suggestions For The Bored } ---------------------------------------------- } An askme. A tellme. Send spam. Get spam. Eat canned, spiced ham. Go to } the can. Go to Japan. Eat sushi. Eat old sushi. Go to the hospital. Be } treated. Treat someone to lunch. Lose your lunch. Lose your mind. Mind } your losses. Mind control. Control-alt-delete. Delete Windows. Clean } your windows. Spring cleaning. Winter cleaning. Fifth lunar month } cleaning. Lunar landing. Land a 747 with no pilot training. Wake up at } 7:47. Read the newspaper. Write the newspaper. Write a tabloid. Find } Elvis. Take a picture of Elvis. Leave a picture of Elvis. Leave it } out. Give it out. Give up. Give in. Forgive. Forget. Forego. } Foreclose. Forge a signature. Sign a forgery. Get arrested. Go to } jail. Pass go. Collect $200. Invest it. Use it. Lose it. Get it back. } Get back at it. Get back in the game. Win the game. Win an argument. } Use faulty reasoning. Use faulty wiring. When you become conscious, } pick yourself up off the ground. Pick lottery numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, } 23, and 42. Pick your nose. Pick a card, any card. Er, pick the other } one. Pick your teeth. Have a mint. Mint some cash. Cash a check. Check } your tire pressure. Break under pressure. Break a leg. Coffee break! } Break your brakes. Crash. Collect your insurance money. Call collect. } Call the pizza place. Order an extra large with pepperoni and } mushroom. Complain when you get it with mushrooms. Complain to your } congressman. Run for Congress. Run a marathon. Get up, you just } started. Start exercising. Start exorcising. Watch some horror movies. } Wear a horrible watch. Watch your watch. Watch the clock. Watch TV. } Watch the radio. Radio for help. Send 'help' to oracle@cs.indiana.edu. } Go to Indiana. Go to India. Talk to tech support face-to-face. Face } your fears. Fear your face. Wash your face. Look at yourself in a } mirror. Pay for the broken mirror. Look for some cash. Write a check. } Write a 'Top 100 Suggestions For The Bored' list. } } You owe the Oracle a video of you doing all this. Have fun. --- 1429-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Tell me oh mighty, powerful oracle please tell me, if you kick a > teletubbie in the stomach does it implode? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } One morning, poor Laa-Laa felt flustered, } when the four of them all ("Big hug!") clustered, } so he kicked the green Telly } right square in his belly, } and Dipsy threw up all his custard. --- 1429-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I, the Oracle } Staring at my monitor } An askme awaits. } } What? The null question! } Is all that awaits me here. } Naught but "greater than." } } Foolish supplicant! } Fear Oracle's Staff of Zot! } Charcoal supplicant. } } Back to my chamber } Return I, the Oracle } And . } } Crysanthemums bloom } Over the river flowing } In Indiana. } } But wait, there is more } What you owe the Oracle } Your immortal soul. } } Or, if you prefer, } Give unto the Oracle } A question not null. --- 1429-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Leo L. Schwab" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Do Australian math nerds snicker when they hear the term that means > inverse of an exponent? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } "Turn in your books to page } 106, class. Today, we'll talk } about horizontal asymptotes." } } Huh-huh...she said "ass"... } } "Consider the demand function, } p = f(q)," } } Huh-huh...she said "pee"... } } "where p equals e to the } negative 4 q." } } Huh-huh...she said "fork you"... } } "Now, if we take the natural } log of both sides," } } Wow, she's got nice b**bs. } } "we get q = v*gin* ln farty- } f*rt p**p over wang squared." } } Wait, did she say "log" a } moment ago?