From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Thu Oct 13 12:10:28 2005 Received: from moose.cs.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.12.11/8.12.11/IUCS_2.69) with ESMTP id j9DHARrl023535; Thu, 13 Oct 2005 12:10:27 -0500 (EST) Received: (from daemon@localhost) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.12.11/8.12.11/Submit) id j9DHARdb023533; Thu, 13 Oct 2005 12:10:27 -0500 (EST) Date: Thu, 13 Oct 2005 12:10:27 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <200510131710.j9DHARdb023533@moose.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1394 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1394 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1394 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Thu, 13 Oct 2005 12:10:15 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1394 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1389 40 votes 27j93 4945i 26ga6 49g83 475h7 23bf9 06k86 15di3 498d6 37fd2 1389 3.3 mean 3.1 3.6 3.3 2.9 3.4 3.6 3.4 3.4 3.2 3.1 --- 1394-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Wise Oracle the bane of those unfortunates who go to rack > and ruin from their desire to ape their betters I ask you > this humble question with a heart of pure intent, > > Any other good Halloween ideas? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I think the whole Halloween thing has gotten a bit silly. } (Assuming, for the sake of argument, that it wasn't always.) } The fact is that ghosts, witches and the like just aren't } scary any more. "Caspar, The Friendly Ghost" et al. probably } had a lot to do with that. } } So, if you want a really effective Halloween costume, you } have to find something that's going to produce the same sense } of fear in the average person as ghosts did a couple of } centuries ago. With that in mind, here are my top five } suggestions: } } 5. Computer monitor displaying either a highly technical } and completely incomprehensible error message, or a lurid } "You Have A Virus! A Really BAD Virus!" style warning. The } costume for this one will be a pain, but the fear part works } very well on most people. } } 4. The Islamic terrorist look is in this year. However, } I don't recommend it for supplicants in the USA/UK, due to } the high likelihood of being mistaken for a real Islamic } terrorist and shot. Also probably won't work for supplicants } in Islamic countries; substitute the American GI look. Not } recommended for supplicants in Iraq due to the high likelihood } of being mistaken for a real American GI and blown up. Of } course any suppliacnts in Islamic countries who wish to do the } whole Halloween thing are probably on pretty shaky ground to } begin with; but no doubt someone will try. } } 3. Management. Take the Dilbert comics as your guide. Very } effective if you're targeting one particular person and you } can manage a decent approximation of their actual boss. } } 2. Tax official. Make sure you wear a large, conspicuous } "Special Audit Division" badge. Carry a very large briefcase } full of official-looking forms and demand that people fill } them all out. Threaten them with severe penalties. } } 1. A lawyer. For bonus points, a divorce lawyer. For double } bonus points, OJ Simpson's lawyer. } } You owe the Oracle somewhere to hide on Halloween. Or at least } some way to keep people away from the door. --- 1394-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh, Oracle most illustrious, > Whose study is never dustrious, > Whose priests are all industrious, > And who is ever always generous, > please grant your humble supplicant the slightest morsel of the yummy > chocolate cake of your wisdom. > > How would the world be different had John Cleese been an accountant > rather than a member of Monty Python? > > Thank you ever so much. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Ahh yes... I am arn't I.... Ahhhh... Keep Going.... yeah.... I'm so } good... DON'T STOP... oh the answer... right... } } } And now for... } } JOHNNY CLEESE's } FLYING BOOKKEEPER!!!!! } } } } } } Customer: I'd like to have my books kept Please } BookKeeper: No You wouldn't } C: Yes I would } B: No You Woldn't } c: Yes I would } B: By the way - have you kept you're receipts handy? } C: Yes here they are } B: No they're not! } C: Yes they are! } B: Look - plainly they're Invoices. I havn't asked about those yet } C: But they're the same thing! } B: No they're not } C: Yes they are! } B: NO THEY'RE NOT } C: Look mate - a receipt is a record of sales and purchases } B: No they are not... } C: And an invoice is the same thing! } B: Is most certainly isn't } C: Yes it is! } B: Sorry - your half hour is up. I'm not allowed to give financial } advice anymore } C: WHAT!!?!?!?!? } B: We've been discussing your financial state for the last half hour } and I can't keep discussing unless you pay for another half hour } C: Come on! You've told me nothing! } B: It's in the rules } C: Well I'm leaving } B: No you're not } C: Yes I am } B: No you're not } } } } Black Knight: NONE SHALL PASS } Cleese: What? } BK: You will not pass - or you will die } C: It's a nice sword and amour you have there. Do you claim them on } your tax? You know you could } BK: WHAT!?!?!?!? } C: Look - obviously you're confused about your current situation. } Here's my card - call me } } AND now for something completely different! } } } Boss: I'm sorry - the firms going down. We're going to have to lay you } guys off } Employee 1: But why? Couldn't you lay off just a few of us? } B: No - it's the Dole for the lot of you } Employee 2: Why did you have so many of us in the first place? } B: Well you see... } } The answer: "Every Sperm Is Sacred", Lyrics by Michael Palin and Terry } Jones. } } There are Unions in the world, there are Fashists } There is Management and Engineers and then } There are those in the board, but } I've never been one of them. } } I'm an Accountant, } And have been since 1964, } And the one thing they say about Accountants is } They'll fire you, to keep profits Warm. } } You don't have to be a big spender } You don't have to have a great brain, } You don't have to have any cubical, } You're were doomed the moment I came because... } } Every dollar's sacred, } Every dollar's great, } If a dollar's wasted, } I Get quite irate. } } Every dollar's sacred, } Every dollar's great, } If a dollar's wasted, } I Get quite irate. } } Let the Unions take them, } Where new work can be found. } Management will make 'em pay } When Profits Can't be Found } } Every dollar's wanted, } Every dollar's is good, } Every dollar's is needed, } In your cubical } } Commies, Leftists, Unions } Pinch pennies anywhere, } But the investmentors will appreciate } Those who spend with more care. } } Every dollar's sacred, } Every dollar's great, } If a dollar's wasted, } I get quite irate. } } Every dollar's sacred, } Every dollar's good, } Every dollar's needed, } In your cubicul. } } Every dollar's useful, } Every dollar's is fine, } Management needs everybody's, } Your's, and Your's, (not mine...) } } Let the Bankrupt spill theirs, } O'er research, legal and Ad's } But I shall strike them down } For each dollar that's spent bad... } } Every dollar's sacred, } Every dollar's good, } Every dollar's needed, } In your cubicle. } } Every dollar's sacred, } Every dollar's great, } If a dollar's wasted, } I gets quite irate. } } So... I guess the answer is... you must decide for yourself } } You owe the oracle the Best Of Johnny Cleeses Flying Bookkeeper, } Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4 (on DVD) of Johnny Cleeses Flying Bookkeeper, Johnny } Cleeses Flying Bookkeeper's Contractual Obligation Albumn, Johnny } Cleeses The Meaning of Tax, Johnny Cleeses the life of an Accountant, } Johnny Cleeses the Search for the Holy Cheque.... and 15L of espresso } to ensure I can watch the whole thing } } Yours Devinely } } The Oracle } [Incarnated as Lochok] --- 1394-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'm Sal, of Franconi Moving and Storage, da best in da five boroughs! > My driver Carmine is in da truck and he's double-parked over dere. > Youse got a loading dock? I've got a truck full of stuff to deliver to > dis address and den me an' Carmine gotta beat it up to Chica-ga before > da freight terminal closes at six. Sign here. > > [He thrusts the clipboard at you. On it is a bill of lading listing the > contents of the truck.] > > 1 Complete set of Bob Newhart comedy albums > 20 Cases surplus sex toys, made in the Soviet Union > 1 Expansion chassis for a VAX 11-780 > 1 Dead Parrot > 7 Reels of 9-track tape > 1,000 m Fibre Optic cable > 2 Bushels Corn > 400 pounds Ground Beef, frozen in dry ice > 1 copy OS/2 version 1.0, manuals and installation disks > 1 Coal shovel > 4 Cases Rod Pretzels > 3 Pom Poms (red and white) > 5 Pom Poms (green and blue) > 4 Pair Tights (size XL) > 1 Pair Bib Overalls (child's size 4) > 10 Cases Peanut Brittle Gags (with spring-loaded snakes) > 2 Clown Noses > 2 Squirting Lapel Daisies > 36 packets of Red Star Yeast > 5 gallons Hershey's Chocolate Syrup And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You got the wrong address, bub. The FEMA office is the next block over. --- 1394-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mike Nolan The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Does the Internet Oracle still work, even after 11 years? > [actually 16 years now -ed] And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, yeah. But it's fizzling out a bit. People are } so paranoid about spam they don't want to get involved } with a service where there aren't strong guarantees } that their address won't be sold. Plus today's youth } doesn't use email, or Usenet. They phone each other. } } Which is why the ever changing Oracle's next manifestation } is about to occur. Yes, you heard it here first. . . } Carrier Pigeon Oracle! Bio-friendly! Way Coo-Coo-Cool! } You'll have wisdom droppings all over your cubicle! } } Okay, joke. Actually the Oracle is moving into paid } consulting gigs for transglobals whom he is not at } liberty to name. That's where the cash is at. } } You owe the Oracle a well guarded statue. --- 1394-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Paul L. Kelly" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > English Proverbs: The answers are all well-known proverbs (or at least > reasonably so). The starting letter of each of the words in the proverb > is given. Answers include some contractions (e.g. "it's" rather than > "it is" only when this is the more usually heard form of the proverb). > > This is only for a bit of fun - enjoy yourselves, but don't take it too > seriously. > > 1. S. W. T. I. I. H. > ......................... > 2. B. O. A. F. F. T. > ........................................................................ > ...................... > 3. M. H. W. T. S. S. > ........................................................................ > ..................... > 4. F. B. C. > ........................................................................ > ................................. > 5. W. T. E. D. N. S. T. H. D. N. G. O. > ........................................................................ > . > ........................................................................ > .............................................. > 6. D. N. C. Y. C. B. T. A. H. > ........................................................................ > ............. > ........................................................................ > .............................................. > 7. T. M. C. S. T. B. > ........................................................................ > ......................... > 8. R. W. N. B. I. A. D. > ........................................................................ > ................... > 9. W. T. C. A. T. M. W. P. > ........................................................................ > ................ > 10. A. F. I. N. I. A. F. I. > ........................................................................ > .................. > 11. S. W. R. D. > ........................................................................ > .............................. > 12. N. I. T. M. O. I. > ........................................................................ > ......................... > 13. A. M. T. H. G. F. > ........................................................................ > ..................... > 14. Y. C. T. A. H. T. W. B. Y. C. M. I. D. > .................................................................... > ........................................................................ > ............................................. > 15. S. A. T. T. C. A. T. > ........................................................................ > ................... > 16. E. C. H. A. S. L. > ........................................................................ > ...................... > 17. W. T. G. W. D. T. F. M. M. > ........................................................................ > ........... > ........................................................................ > ............................................. > 18. I. A. F. Y. D. S. T. T. T. A. > ........................................................................ > .......... > ........................................................................ > .............................................. > 19. E. D. H. H. D. > ........................................................................ > ......................... > 20. D. N. P. A. Y. E. I. O. B. > ........................................................................ > .............. > 21. F. W. B. N. P. > ........................................................................ > ........................... > 22. T. W. D. N. M. A. R. > ........................................................................ > .................... > 23. T. H. T. R. T. C. R. T. W. > ........................................................................ > ............. > ........................................................................ > ............................................... > 24. G. M. T. A. > ........................................................................ > ............................. > 25. V. I. T. S. O. L. > ........................................................................ > ...................... > 26. O. M. M. I. A. M. P. > ........................................................................ > ................... > 27. M. H. M. L. W. > ........................................................................ > ........................ > 28. Y. C. M. A. S. P. O. O. A. S. E. > ........................................................................ > ...... > ........................................................................ > ............................................... > 29. P. W. P. F. > ........................................................................ > ............................... > 30. A. A. A. D. K. T. D. A. > ........................................................................ > ................ > 31. N. L. A. G. H. I. T. M. > ........................................................................ > ................ > 32. I. I. A. I. W. T. B. N. A. G. > ........................................................................ > ........... > ........................................................................ > ............................................... > 33. C. K. T. C. > ........................................................................ > ............................... > 34. I. T. C. O. T. B. T. O. E. M. I. K. > ........................................................................ > .... > ........................................................................ > ............................................... > 35. A. S. L. T. W. > ........................................................................ > ........................... > 36. P. M. P. > ........................................................................ > .................................. > 37. A. M. I. A. G. A. A. M. > ........................................................................ > ................ > 38. H. W. P. T. P. C. T. T. > ........................................................................ > ............... > 39. L. S. S. M. > ........................................................................ > .............................. > 40. O. O. S. O. O. M. > ........................................................................ And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Another quiz? Oh well - it's a good thing I am omniscient and } therefore don't need to study! } } I did notice a slight trend in many of the answers. I think you } may be slightly obsessed with a certain topic; perhaps you } should seek professional help. But at least you didn't put in } "H.M.W.C.A.W.C.I.A.W.C.C.W.", which I was expecting you to toss } in somewhere along the line even though, of course, it is not } actually a proverb. } } Okay, here are the answers. And remember, I'm the Oracle, so } I know! } } > 1. S. W. T. I. I. H. } Stupid Woodchucks Taste Icky, I Heard } } > 2. B. O. A. F. F. T. } Bored Oracle Answers For Fiftieth Time } } > 3. M. H. W. T. S. S. } Many Humans Won't Tie Shoelaces Successfully } } > 4. F. B. C. } First, Ban Chucking } } > 5. W. T. E. D. N. S. T. H. D. N. G. O. } Woodchucks, The Evil Demons None Should Trust, Hell's Devil's } Nest, Get Out! } } > 6. D. N. C. Y. C. B. T. A. H. } Do Not Concern Yourself, Citizen. Bible Testifies Against Her.[*] } } > 7. T. M. C. S. T. B. } Too Much Chucking! Stop The Bastards! } } > 8. R. W. N. B. I. A. D. } Rabid Woodchucks Never Belong In Any Domicile } } > 9. W. T. C. A. T. M. W. P. } Wave Thermonuclear Cannon At The Massed Woodchuck Population } } > 10. A. F. I. N. I. A. F. I. } A Fire In Naphtha Is A Fire Indeed } } > 11. S. W. R. D. } Several Woodchucks Receive Death } } > 12. N. I. T. M. O. I. } Never Interrupt The Mighty Oracle Of Internet } } > 13. A. M. T. H. G. F. } All Marmots Torture Human Girls Fiercely } } > 14. Y. C. T. A. H. T. W. B. Y. C. M. I. D. } You Can Torture A "Hell's Teeth" Woodchuck But You Cannot Make } It Die } } > 15. S. A. T. T. C. A. T. } Sometimes A Trained Turtle Can Amaze Tourists } } > 16. E. C. H. A. S. L. } Everybody Can Hire A Slimy Lawyer } } > 17. W. T. G. W. D. T. F. M. M. } When The Great Woodchuck Demands Tribute, Flee, Mortal Men! } } > 18. I. A. F. Y. D. S. T. T. T. A. } I Am Finding Your Disappointing Supplication Terribly Tedious } To Answer } } > 19. E. D. H. H. D. } Engineers Don't Have Hard Di...sks } } > 20. D. N. P. A. Y. E. I. O. B. } Do Not Pay Artists Your Entire Investment Or Budget } } > 21. F. W. B. N. P. } Fearsome Woodchucks Breed Near Plutonium } } > 22. T. W. D. N. M. A. R. } The Woodchuck Does Not Merit Any Respect } } > 23. T. H. T. R. T. C. R. T. W. } The Highest Truth Really Takes Considerable Resources To Worship } } > 24. G. M. T. A. } Get Me The Aspirin } } > 25. V. I. T. S. O. L. } Vanity Is The Servant Of Lust } } > 26. O. M. M. I. A. M. P. } One Man's Mate Is Another Man's Passion } } > 27. M. H. M. L. W. } Much Helium Makes Light Woodchuck } } > 28. Y. C. M. A. S. P. O. O. A. S. E. } You Can Make A Supplicant Ponder Only Over A Sexy Email } } > 29. P. W. P. F. } Prepare Woodchucks Properly: Filleted } } > 30. A. A. A. D. K. T. D. A. } Avians And Alligators Don't Know Their Dinosaur Ancestry } } > 31. N. L. A. G. H. I. T. M. } Never Let A Goat Head Into The Museum } } > 32. I. I. A. I. W. T. B. N. A. G. } Isn't It Awe Inspiring When The Ball Nears A Goal } } > 33. C. K. T. C. } Carefully Kill The Chucks } } > 34. I. T. C. O. T. B. T. O. E. M. I. K. } Intend To Cook On The Barbecue Tonight Our Eleven Marmots I Killed } } > 35. A. S. L. T. W. } And So Long To Woodchucks } } > 36. P. M. P. } Pay Me, Peon } } > 37. A. M. I. A. G. A. A. M. } A Marmot Is A Gross And Awful Mammal } } > 38. H. W. P. T. P. C. T. T. } Harvest Woodchuck Pieces To Perfect Cooking Techniques Tonight } } > 39. L. S. S. M. } Let's Squash Some Marmots! } } > 40. O. O. S. O. O. M. } Oracle Owes Supplicant Overflow Of Marmots } } [*] Haven't heard that one much for the last couple of hundred } years, but it was very popular in the days of witch trials... --- 1394-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > The Oracle doesn't need a belt to show that he is the > only true grand master. > > Several new martial arts schools have opened near my house. > I was thinking about taking some classes but I don't know > how to tell a good school from a not so good one. Can you > tell me some things to look for to tell a good martial arts > school from a bad one? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } I understand your confusion, Supplicant; it's not easy } to tell a good martial arts school from a bad one when } you don't know everything. So here's a handy guide: } } ------------------------------------------------------- } GOOD MARTIAL ARTS SCHOOL | BAD MARTIAL ARTS SCHOOL } ------------------------------------------------------- } Only practise on ground | Only practise on ground } floor because otherwise it | floor because it is "too } is "too dangerous when | much effort to climb the } people are thrown through | stairs every day" } windows" | } ------------------------------------------------------- } Sensei is absent because | Sensei is absent because } he is testifying at the | he is in the hospital } trial of the five men who | after being assaulted by } assaulted him last week | a small boy last week } ------------------------------------------------------- } Insists on mental and | Provides cigarettes and } physical purity for | junk food after sessions } students to be prepared | "to relax the students" } ------------------------------------------------------- } Sensei has devoted his | Sensei was working at } whole life to the art | McDonalds five months ago } ------------------------------------------------------- } Confiscates and destroys | Uses "Karate Kid" movies } any "Karate Kid" movies | as primary training } found on students | material } ------------------------------------------------------- } } You owe the Oracle a larger black belt; this one doesn't } fit me quite as well as it used to. --- 1394-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mike Nolan The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh Oracle most wise, > > Will I be allowed to wander the stars? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } There are nine possible afterlives, according to one's relationship to } Me. } } 1. For priests of the Oracle, eternal liberation. Deceased priests may } continue to be priests in the afterlife if they wish. } } 2. For bestof'd incarnations, ten thousand years of liberation, } followed by one lifetime in which they attain priesthood. } } 3. For digested incarnations, one hundred years of liberation, followed } by another lifetime to try again for the bestofs. } } 4. For digested supplicants, eternally wandering through the divine } Gardens in which I and My priests dwell, basking in My glory. } } 5. For ordinary supplicants, eternally wandering through the cosmos, } searching for the true nature of the Oracle. This seems to be where } you're aiming. } } 6. For nonsupplicants, immediate reincarnation. It's not really their } fault, they deserve another chance. } } 7. For nongrovelling supplicants, five minutes of My wrath, followed by } reincarnation. } } 8. For m****t-referencing supplicants, ten thousand years of being } gnawed by said abominations, followed by reincarnation. } } 9. For incompetent incarnation, eternal suffering so hideous that it } would kill you if you contemplated it. } } You owe the Oracle a higher aspiration. --- 1394-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I was thinking (and that's not something I do very often) > that one of these days, the day is going to come that these days > no longer come; and I was wondering... > > What am I going to do then? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Arthur paused. The last sip of wine he'd taken hadn't tasted nearly as } good as the previous sips, or indeed the two glasses before that. } Probably because he'd thought about his old schoolteacher as he drank. } What a miserable excuse for a human being she was... } } Mrs Crumpleton. A thin, wispy insubstantial woman with as much } personality as a whitewashed wall, and a complexion to match. The only } reason he remembered her at all was because out of all the students in } his class, he'd been the only one she had ever raised her voice to. And } even then, it was only once. He even remembered the exact words. } } "You may not think much of me as a teacher, Arthur. That's your } opinion, and you're entitled to it. That does not give you the right to } disrespect me. You will address me as MRS Crumpleton, not Crumpy Rumple } or some other crude variation thereof. One day, you are going to get } yourself into serious trouble with your lack of respect for those in } positions of authority." } } He took another sip of wine, and looked over his e-mail. Looked fine, } he clicked and sent. There wasn't a grovel, but he didn't think one was } needed. } } A couple of minutes later, an obnoxious beep sounded, and the Oracle's } response arrived. It was short and simple } } "No grovel" } } He paused. He then heard a sound, building in intensity, the word } "Zot", repeated quietly over and over, but getting louder. He had } answered his own question. Arthur knew exactly "what he was going to do } then" He was going to scatter himself over a wide area, and spare his } family the trouble of having him cremated. } } The last glass of wine didn't taste that good at all. This was nothing } to do with the Oracle though, he'd just forgotten to use a clean glass. --- 1394-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Roses are red, > Violets are blue; > What math equation > Is this equivalent to? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Roses are red, } Violets are blue, } Listen very carefully } And you shall know too } } Half of the base } Times by the height, } Gives the area, A(t) } Of a triangle, right? } } Now take pi and } The radius (r) squared; } Times them together, } And you'll be prepared } } A cone's volume } Can be derived } By two-thirds, pi, r and A(t), } All multiplied } } A rose may be red, } Oh mercy me, } But your question I have answered, } Q. E. D. } } So now for your penance, } (As you didn't fawn), } I demand a practical use } Of factorials, before dawn. --- 1394-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > "I can name that tune in zero notes." > > "Okay, Oracle, here's your note:" > > "For fifty thousand dollars, the car, and the house in Barbados... NAME > THAT TUNE!" And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } "It's "The Lonely Goatherd", from The Sound Of Music, or it } was originally. This particular version has been remixed by } Crazy Frog as a background, but the actual vocals are being } sung by Wing (http://wingmusic.co.nz/)." } } "Congr--" } } "This is a recording of a performance in front of a live } audience consisting of 75 adults and 16 children, in a small } nightclub off Lygon Street in Melbourne, from 11th March 2002 } at approximately 7:28-7:33 pm." } } "Er--" } } "The particular CD that you're playing it from was bought by } Mr Steve Parker, a purchasing assistant employed by this } station since 18th August 2001, on 5th November 2003 at } 2:37 pm. It normally sits in slot number--" } } "Enough! Thank you! Yes! PLEASE STOP!" } } "Fine. Whatever. You owe the Oracle fifty thousand dollars, } the car, the house in Barbados... and some way to get this } damned woman's voice OUT OF MY HEAD."