From oracle-admin@cs.indiana.edu Fri May 13 08:07:49 2005 Received: from moose.cs.indiana.edu (localhost [127.0.0.1]) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.12.11/8.12.11/IUCS_2.65) with ESMTP id j4DD7m2s021048; Fri, 13 May 2005 08:07:48 -0500 (EST) Received: (from daemon@localhost) by moose.cs.indiana.edu (8.12.11/8.12.11/Submit) id j4DD7mFw021046; Fri, 13 May 2005 08:07:48 -0500 (EST) Date: Fri, 13 May 2005 08:07:48 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <200505131307.j4DD7mFw021046@moose.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1384 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be used with www.cs.indiana.edu/ftp/faces === 1384 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1384 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Fri, 13 May 2005 08:07:36 -0500 (EST) To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen B Kinzler.) Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1384 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1379 40 votes 04jg1 48bc5 5bac2 4eg42 77g73 36bf5 2cfb0 16bbb 58ga1 27hb3 1379 3.1 mean 3.4 3.1 2.9 2.6 2.8 3.3 2.9 3.6 2.9 3.1 --- 1384-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle of Majestic Irony: > > You see, I was walking down the street and was getting a bunch of odd > stares. Even the street people were edging away from me, and they are > RABID, I assure you. And whenever I tried to say "Hello", they screamed > and ran away. It's really odd, and slightly disturbing. > > So, I guess my question is... > > Is it possible to be a killer for hire and not know it? And if so, how > can I stop myself? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Actually, your fly is down. --- 1384-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "J. Avedon" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > *ring ring* * > *Oracle groans at beign woken up at 7:00 am, but picks up* > Voice on the phone: Most amazing oracle who's splendiferousness > > Oracle: Okay, get to the point, Zadoc, it's seven am. > > Zadoc: Oh most awesome, kind and merciful oracle I am > too sick with the flu to come in to work this morning. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Oracle: Really? } } Zadoc: Really. (Wheeze) Oh wise Oracle. } } Oracle: Really?? } } Zadoc: Really. Oh most wise *cough* and beautiful Oracle. } } Oracle: Really???? } } Zadoc: Really. Oh most intelligent, *sniff* wise and beautiful Oracle. } } Oracle: REALLY???????? } } Zadoc: Really. Oh thoughtful, most intelligent, wise *nice blow* and } beautiful Oracle. } } Oracle: Interesting. So how do I know you're not faking? } } Zadoc: Your wonderful Oracleness, don't you know everything? } } Oracle: Entertain me. I like to hear the gears in your head } turning occasionally. } } Zadoc: Well, if you fire up your first question for } the morning, you'll notice that the first supplicant } for the day has already experienced this conversation, so } therefore it must be true. } } Oracle: That doesn't make any sense. } } Zadoc: ... *cough* } } Oracle: (Sigh.) Hmm, so what was the question from } the supplicant? } } Zadoc: Well.. he didn't actually have one. } } Oracle: So how am I supposed to answer that? } } Zadoc: I guess... you don't really have to. } } Oracle: Ok. } } Zadoc: So.... your oracleness... do I need to come in this morning? } } Oracle: --- 1384-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > digest 1382-04 question malresponded rectify fullwise And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } What a bizzare little man you are, human! } Or maybe you're not human.. hmm that gives me } a thought. } } (Oracle is seen flying from his present location } through the galaxies and into a stargate, comes up } and out and appears in a white room, standing in a } pool of water and addressing a large frog) } } (Oracle) "Hi Geoff, what's up?" } } (Geoff) "kneegle claxwtio sneefrog werssst" } } (Oracle) "Sorry, this is being translated for another } supplicant, can you use language #4783-12 please?" } } (Geoff) "poorkdle ghuuurhgh aganznzsst?" } } (Oracle) "#4783-13 then" } } (Geoff) "sorry mate. Any better?" } } (Oracle) "Rippin. Anyway, I just needed to know } if any of your underlings had got into my oracle } sub-system intended for earth." } } (Geoff) "Ahh yeah, that's right me old mucka. The } other day this shiela came along and wanted to try } out her english (#4783-13) on a few drongos, so I } pointed her towards your site." } } (Oracle) "Well here's what she said, I think she } was complaining about that one with the whale" } } (Geoff) "Really? Bloody hell! I though that one was pretty good!" } } (Oracle) "Yeah, so did I. So...." } } (Geoff) "That's ok, I'll discipline her later" } } (Oracle) "Thanks G boy. What do you think her problem was?" } } (Geoff) "Who cares mate. Can ya give us a gander at some of the } new digests coming up?" } } (Oracle) "Sorry bud, no can do... Well, here's one" } } (Geoff) "Hey, you just ripped off Seinfeld for this } one. It's not even funny." } } (Oracle) "Did I?" } } (Geoff) "And I'm pretty sure I heard this one on } Saturday night live. Steve Martin I think. I dunno } Oracle, you're losing your touch" } } (Oracle) "Ok, just you wait. Give us another one } and we'll see what happens." } } (G) "Will do chief! Alright, I'm off to knock back } a few stubbies with Bazza and Steve. Catcha" } } You owe the Oracle an apology to Geoff. Learn } english on your own time without wasting mine. --- 1384-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Mark Lawrence" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Bonus Oracle! Yes, I'll pay a bonus to any Oracle who can > help me earn money. This Is Your Chance To Make Big Buck$$. > > Just send me a list of all your supplicants and their e-mail > addresses. They're all losers with inadequate anatomy, so I'll > send them ads for anatomy enhancers, which they will buy in > huge amounts. I'll send you a percentage of my net profit. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Sorry Sid, no deal. I agree that my supplicants are losers, but if } their -- ahem -- anatomical problems were solved they'd be out having a } life, not sitting in front of their computers asking me questions... } } ...which I sit in front of a computer and answer... } } ...instead of having a life... } } You owe the Oracle a case of your enhancement solution. Make it two to } be on the safe side. --- 1384-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dave Hemming The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Z5:;i!PY2%/NQKKA!rUg!o"s^W;2dd.r__hnt=, > d)70s=KT"1W N 39 27 E 5f S 13d9 R 1ee37cf6 c And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Nyetwork Working Group I. Oracle } Internet Draft CS, Indiana University } Category: Standards Track April 2005 } } Extending Base64 Encoding Using Bridge Commentary } } Status of This Memo } } This document specifies an Internet oracularity issued in response } to an Internet supplication, also known as a "Request for } Entertainment" (RFE). This is a draft only and has not yet been } approved for publication as a Digested Internet oracularity. } } Copyright Notice } } Copyright (C) The Internet Oracle (2005). } } Abstract } } The base64 encoding scheme has served the network well for the past } decade or so, allowing transfer of unsafe binary data in a } convenient 7-bit network ANSI encoded format. The main shortcoming } associated with this encoding scheme is that it is too boring, and } lets network programmers off too lightly so that they can leave } early and spend more leisure time with their family or friends. } } We propose an extension to base64 (the "Bridge-encoding" extension) } that will interpolate current Bridge commentary from selected Bridge } clubs across the state of Florida, at random places within base64 } payloads. This will make life more interesting for network } programmers as base64 encoding and decoding algorithms will become } significantly harder to implement. When decoded using existing } methods, the following base64 text: } } Z5:;i!PY2%/NQKKA!rUg!o"s^W;2dd.r__hnt=, } d)70s=KT"1W N 39 27 E 5f S 13d9 R 1ee37cf6 c } } reads: } } The stunning blonde writhed sensually as she broke from their } embrace to slip off In this round, West made a cautious opening with } a bid of 1 Clubs, prompting North to leap in with a 3-9-2-7 } distribution no trump. East managed 5 tricks with the 0x0f of } Diamonds, but received a penalty when it was later discovered there } are no cards numbered in hexadecimal. Bidding proceeded with South } making a classic Danish standard opening bid of 1 Hearts while they } collapsed together, spent. } } We predict network programmers across the world will race to develop } decoding algorithms for the Bridge-encoded part. --- 1384-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh great and mighty oracle, what Nethack weapons would best serve to > defeat the horde of monsters that determine college admissions > (or, more appropriately, rejections)? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Try wielding $. They'll all fall dead. } } You owe the Oracle a mimic corpse. --- 1384-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > I'M BACK! You might have confounded me in 1046-09, but I, the AOL > Oracle, have returned! Prepare for battle! And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Have you had your fill of "teh pr0n", oh ye of little bandwidth? } } > Hey!11 My bndwith isnt "little"!!11! } } No, of course not. Would you like your "Zto" wand back? Did you wash } your hands after staring at half-downloaded softcore pictures of } Lindsay Lohan? } } >STFU! Its a Wand of Zot, and ti will be yuor undoing! } } Yes, yes. Here you go, catch. } } >...Your just givng it back to me? Why?/?? } } It's not as if AOL made its way in the arena of corporate ISP's by } being a client for power users and the computer-savvy. All I've done is } made a few simple modifications to your wand that render it powerless } for you. } } >How??? } } I installed UNIX. } } >WHAT?!?!? } } Relax, with a few tutorials, you may even be able to find your root } directory! } } >Whatre you tlaking about? Root? Is that like "My Computer?" WHERE IS } TEH PR0N?!? } } All in due time. First, you'll have to learn how to function without a } GUI. } } >OMGWTFF?!?!!!!11 WHATS TIHS BULLCRAPP?!?!! } } Hmm, on second thought, first you'll have to learn how to type a } coherent command. } } >HLP PLZ!!! FAQ??? } } Don't worry, knowledge of how computers actually work will come in } time. And when you've learned about kernels and shells, when your cushy } Windows-esque dependence on those with actual programming knowledge to } do things for you gives way to a new and competent way of computing, } you will bow humbly and grovel before the great Internet Oracle in } order to ask The Question, as so many other challengers before you have } asked: } } "How could I have been so foolish, oh Oracle? How could I have been so } blind?" } } You owe the Oracle an open-source e-mail client programmed in LINUX. --- 1384-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Are keystroke loggers anything to do with Woodchucks? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The sad situation of keystroke logging is nothing new to residents of } the Pacific Northwest, where healthy, free-standing keystrokes are } cruelly harvested before their time by unscrupulous loggers and made } into keyboards, then sold on the black market to be built into } keyframe-houses for the very rich and, of course, new Stuckey's. } } But the newest blight on the land is the roving gangs of w**dch*cks } laying straight-line traps. Many a would-be comedian has walked right } into these, thinking them to be innocent, perhaps slightly humorous } messages. Then the straight-line trap closes, imprisoning the victim } until evening, when the prey is too weak from thirst and cold to defend } itself. } } Then the horrid marmots come! Their feral teeth rip apart trap and prey } together, biting, scratching, these horrendous creatures with their } bilious eyes and swollen purple muscles, ravaging each limb down to the } whitest bone, then taking wing by the thousands, shrieking, flapping, } throwing a blanket of fetid darkness across the land! } } But all at once, when the night is darkest and hope is all but lost, } there comes a glint of light from the farthest hillside... the Oracle } with its Staff of ZOT! Raising it high, the Oracle begins to lay about } with bolts and charges of pure fury, each seeking out a fetid marmot } and rending its purulent flesh asunder! Stabbing inward to explode its } sinister and dirty heart! A light like dawn streams forth from the } staff, illuminating the Oracle's sweating face! Death! Death and new } life! } } And then it is over. The true dawn comes and all the stinking carcasses } wither to cabbage in the sunlight of morning and hope and reason and } light! Light! LIGHT! --- 1384-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Tim Chew The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Your oracleness, this is a two part question, > The two parts are closely related, here goes: > > 1) What is the best flavour of Linux/Unix (FreeBSD, RedHat, Mandrake, > etc) > > 2> Speaking of Flavours, what chemical will neutralize the burning > effect of capsasin? > > Please advise > > Supplicant #440789-Alpha And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, now, let's see, "Supplicant 440789-Alpha," } } If you underestimated the hot salsa, milk is a good idea. } } If your operating system is the thing that's burning, then mandrake is } indeed the solution -- at least until you can find an understanding } doctor. Though what you were doing putting capsaicin there no one } needs to know. } } They say mandrake works best when steeped in a little wine, but I think } you've already done enough damage to your motherboards, wouldn't you? } } You owe the Oracle a better grovel and a better medicinal vintage, too. --- 1384-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein) The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Yo! Yo! Yo! Orrie! Da man wit da bling bling. > Wazzap bra? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Let's see....where is it? Hmmm....Oh, there it is! } The Internet Oracle's Guide to Slang. Whew. If I had } lost this, I'd have to use that damn Babel Fish. } } Well. The entry for "bra" isn't in here. It must be } the correct word. I have to say, dear Supplicant, } being referred to as an article of clothing is not } my idea of a good grovel. Nor does it constitute } much of a question. } } Here is the answer to the question you meant to ask: } No, the starfish will NOT mate with your parakeet. } And stop trying. } } You owe the Oracle a coherent sentence.