From oracle-request Tue Aug 17 00:10:33 1993 Received: by moose.cs.indiana.edu (5.65c/9.4jsm) id AA15637; Tue, 17 Aug 1993 00:10:33 -0500 Date: Tue, 17 Aug 1993 00:10:33 -0500 From: To: oracle-list Subject: Usenet Oracularities #584 Reply-To: oracle-vote X-Face: #uz~Ma5G?lX"lQv,9/$d0hEy7pk]l$U^|3Otd8>?b"!\/AE_F0Lm!['3"[}DQFw9 qxsx)mp$|3:}1pa:lK6H"H8TH+;E(w1r09e:3vpnx4zyC.v?+v%088"=)bs-,Q[: c2NWk',v>VQ^Hhf_zG5Okg;[vkGO%8`7T*XW0SepJNfCbVa",Dmvk-C/K|-uX*!e uK1Yc!-``R-$q(;"a@3 sgw_x[EK!Z)HJ~yxbd+mg{krWs0NA!1h/aXR X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 584 ================================================================== Title: Usenet Oracularities #584 Compiled-By: "Steve Kinzler" Date: Tue, 17 Aug 1993 00:10:33 -0500 To find out all about the Usenet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 584 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 579 55 votes 19li6 cck92 0asd4 8kf93 5aob5 4fhc7 9fja2 6hia4 8mcb2 7a8dh 579 2.9 mean 3.3 2.6 3.2 2.6 3.0 3.1 2.7 2.8 2.6 3.4 --- 584-01 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What are bits ? > How do they look like ? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } A bit is a very small ammount of data, there are many different types } of bit depending upon the application. Examples are: } } Parity bit: These bits are used to check the validity of data, they } are very arrogant, and will often refuse to be kept } in the same RAM chip as lowly 'data bits'. Designers have } to allow for this in SIMM design, and put a separate chip } in for them and put it at the more desirable end of the } SIMM. Parity bits dress very smartly, and tend to travel } singly. } } Data bits: These are the lowest form of bit, looked down on by } all the other types. Data bits often hang around in } gangs of 8, 16 or 32. Data bits are scruffily dressed } and are sometimes violent, there have been recorded } incedents of 8 data bits mugging other bits who were } peacefully making their own way about the data bus. } } Top bits: These nasty creatures often run bit-gangs (sometimes } called bytes or words), and often give themselves } glorified titles such as "Most Significant Bit" in } order to emphasise their authourity. } } Mode bits: These are magical bits, used to set the hardware or } software mode via an interface. These bits are often } data bits who have been promoted in order carry out this } important task. } } Cache bits: These are the fastest bits around, they are often } short lived, as cache bits are in the CPU's firing line } and are very often hit. In some architectures an entire } line of cache bits can be wiped in one go. } } Permission bits: These are the Doorkeeper/Security Guard bits, whose } main job in life is to tell you what you cannot do. They } will often dress in uniforms and order lesser bits } around. } } Status bits: These exist on a device to show how important it is, } the more important, the more status bits it has. } } In general the life of a bit is fairly hard, being driven to carry } data from one place to another, The most that a bit can hope for in } life, is to get work in /dev/zero, where it will only have to carry } the much lighter '0' data around. } } Bits suffer from only one disease, called 'bit rot' which makes it very } difficult for them to carry data, so that 1's and 0's are often dropped } and jumbled. } } Eventually bits expire through old age and are buried without much } ceremony in the 'bit bucket'. Though bit religion predicts that if a } bit has led a useful life that they will be reincarnated as bits of } unused data in a database program, or if they have been lazy, that they } will next be incarnated as part of MS-DOS. } } You owe the Oracle 2K of singing bits. --- 584-02 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jgm@cs.brown.edu (Jonathan G. Monsarrat) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > As the tempest > drains its drink > upon this hamlet, > and in the thundering > masque of blackness above > love lies a-bleeding, > raining out the Bartholomew Fair, > while in his tent, the king > leers at his opponent across > the black and white of their othello > game, is every man in his humor > making much too much > ado about nothing or > shall I dare to climb the stair, > to eat a peach, > shall I care if she catches my stare > shall I trade this black bile > with red impassioned blood, > shall I propose the taming > of the shrewful heart > walled well within me? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } WHEW! WHEW! WHEW! WHEW! WHEW! } } DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE WEAVING ALL OVER THE METER OF THE POEM. } } OKAY, SON - HOW FAST DO YOU THINK YOU WERE GOING? } } THAT FAST? HMMMMPF. } } OKAY - LET ME SEE YOUR POETIC LICENSE... } } JUST AS I THOUGH... EXPIRED. } } YOU'LL HAVE TO COME DOWNTOWN WITH ME. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN } SILENT... } } HEY - COME BACK HERE! } } PUT DOWN THAT DICKINSON BOOK! } THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE! } } ** ZOT! ** } } You owe the Oracle a signed copy of John Barthleme's "The Dead Father." --- 584-03 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: John.McCartney@EBay.Sun.COM ( The Lion of Symmetry ) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Which is the right way to hold up a jack of diamonds? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Distract him with the Queen of hearts, } tease him with her tarts upon a quiet bridge; } When both his eyes are turned, } trump him in the back of the head with a four-iron of clubs, } poker him in the side with your black jack, } call his mother a fool, } and insult his ante. } Bury the evidence under his deck with a pair of spades. } } Then down some gin to steady your nerves! } } You owe me some more original jokers. --- 584-04 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: John.McCartney@EBay.Sun.COM ( The Lion of Symmetry ) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Oracle, great and wise, please hear my plea! > I must present to you this tale of human fallacy and foible, > which like most mortal tales is one of confusion wrapped in error > wrapped in ignorance, and no doubt runs a bit too long. > > I feel I must present to You all the relevant details in order that > You may judge well and truly; and so I begin. > > This winter I had an idea of how to bring Fame to my name, and > pursuant to that idea, I ambled over to the "Good Luck Foods and > Bait Store, Chas. Woods prop." on Main Street, of course. > > This being a small town, our one street is Main Street, and we have > time for friendly chitchat: so I asked the proprietor for some > ground chuck, and got the usual joke about cannibalism; and he > suggested ground hog, and I said that would be almost like > cannibalism -- since, here in Punxsutawney, we wouldn't even be on > the map without old Phil, our famous groundhog. Every Feb Two, all > the networks show up with sound trucks and camera crews, "working > the woods" as they call it, and do silly reports on whether Phil > sees his shadow. > > My idea for undying fame, and by the way "me" is Nathaniel Works, of > RFD 7734, was to produce a world's-record-sized meatloaf in the > presence of the press; I couldn't get them to come out here for that > but as long as they were here anyway I had hopes they would cover > the event. > > To make a long story short, Chuck and I settled on ground round, > with all he had on hand to be delivered to Fred's back yard while > the media were there. > > Everything went just fine. I had numerous requests from the city > folk for my Grama's recipe, and I enjoyed seeing myself handing out > a portion to Tom Brokaw on the 11:00 news. > > Well, almost everything went well. There were two little things... > > First of all, Chuck's scale was busted, so he doesn't know what to > charge me; and secondly, although I was on TV, I don't seem to be > famous. > > Thus, O great Oracle, I find I must ask you two questions: > > How many folks saw Nat Works' work when the networks worked the woods? > > And, How much ground round was found in Chuck Woods' Good Luck Foods? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle was sitting at his desk when the mailer daemon beeped } announcing another query. } } >"How much wood would a woodpecker peck if a woodpecker could peck } >wood?" } } Of course, the question wasn't asked directly, but was instead } proceeded with a long blather of meaningless information, meant as a } setup to the joke question. So, in punishment, the Oracle responded } with a very very lengthy shaggy dog story. "That'll show the } bastards", he muttered, "for pulling that woodchuck reference. Bet } they won't do that again!" } } Minutes later, the mailer daemon beeps again. Once again, a lengthy } setup for the sole purpose of doing yet another woodchuck reference, } only not just one, but two. } } This is indicative of a disturbing trend in Supplication. } } There are several possibilities (didja ever notice all of the "i"'s in } that word? almost looks like it's spelled wrong!) as to why this is } happening. } } 1> the people who ask the Oracle questions late at night are lacking } sleep, since by definition they are either insomniacs or third shifters } (which is a redundancy in itself), } } 2> the overall quality of supplicant is leaning more to the smart-ass } end of the spectrum lately, } } or } } 3> the world is going to hell in a handbasket. } } Now, some would argue that all three of the above are probably true, } and I'd have to agree. So, now that we've established how the Oracle } feels about these developments, on to your questions: } } Re: Nat Works' work: Not many. Turns out a woodchuck had chucked some } wood right through the cable going to the network feed, so it didn't } fill the network feed's need. } } Re: Ground Round: All the ground round was found bound to a clown in a } mound at the bottom of Puguet Sound. } } You owe the Oracle a shaggy dog (grey and white, about 75 pounds), and } one of Gladys's ham sandwiches. --- 584-05 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: John.McCartney@EBay.Sun.COM ( The Lion of Symmetry ) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > !lanimret ym edisni kcuts m'I !pleH And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The Oracle picks up the lanimret, and shakes it about. Sure enough, } there's a loose tnacilppus rattling around in there. He opens a } window, tilts the lanimret, and shakes some more. The tnacilppus } falls out, landing on his daeh. The Oracle splashes some horse } liniment on the tnacilppus. The tnacilppus appears completely } recovered, and says, "uoy knahT". } } You owe the Oracle a yrdnauq. --- 584-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Greg Wohletz The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Dear Mr. O'Racle, whose descendants will no doubt grow up to be > know-it-alls, > > I am conducting research into my family tree. I have established > that the O'Racles emigrated to the USA from Ireland in the year > 524, more or less. Even though they totally lacked any > navigational skills, legend says they crossed the ocean in boats > towed by small, furry creatures of the "chuck" species. > > From their original landing in or near what is now Kinzler County, > Vermont (a good trick, that), they seem to have scattered all > over the country. Sadly, only a few members of the original family > seem to have retained the O'Racle name. (Related families seem to > include several Norse gods, but I cannot confirm this at this > time.) > > My family, the Shoobeedoowops, seems to be related to the O'Racle > line, but at present I cannot find out how. My question is: are > you related to me? If so, how? For that matter, since I am told > that you are omniscient, can you save me a lot of trouble and fill > out the whole family tree back to the beginning of time? > > Yours gratefully, > Daniel Patrick Shoobeedoowop And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Dear Mr. Shoobeedoowop, } } This letter is to notify you that a Geanealogical trace of your } family has turned up evidence of genetic criminal tendencies in your } family line. Never before has anyone been able to prove criminal } tendencies are a genetic trait, but then again, we have never before } had a complete family tree to work with. Thanks to the family tree } supplied to us by our (ahem) associates in the offices of the Usenet } Oracle (TM), we now have absolute proof that all criminals come from } one genetic line. Currently, all your living relatives are being } rounded up (Can you hear the sirens coming for you yet?) by a } cooperative effort of all the police agencies of the world, and all the } people in prison who aren't related to you are being released. We would } like to thank you for (however inadvertantly) helping us to eliminate } crime by eliminating your family. Please be comforted by the knowledge } that you, singlehandedly, brought about an end to all crime. } } Yours Truly, } Special Agent Manson } FBI --- 584-07 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mark McCafferty The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Dear Oracle, > > If your IQ were inscribed in a Royal Proclamation, it would use > so many sheets of parchment to write it on > that sheep would become extinct, > so many feathers for quill pens > that ornithologists would be out of work, > so much talcum powder to blot the ink > that all babies everywhere would be sore, > and the resulting Document would be too heavy to lift. > > You have often stated that the answer to all our mortal questions is > the simple number, 42. > > Just what *is* your IQ, anyway? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } You want to know my IQ eh? Well, you asked for it! } } [Scene: Five minutes later in the supplicants computer lab.] } } A student clicks irately on his mouse button but gets no response. } "Hey, has anyone else's terminal gone dead?" } A chorus of "Yeah, dammit" goes up from all the students in the } lab; one student, though, is being very, very quiet and looking } sheepish for some reason. } "Well" says another student, "I'm gonna get the Systems } Administrator as the fileserver seems to have kicked the bucket." } } Two minutes later, the Administrator is looking very perplexed. } "This is ridiculous" he says rolling his eyes in exasperation, } "Hard drive space is currently 0 bytes, and this morning we had 10 } gigabytes spare!" } The Administrator runs a check on existing files, and gasps in awe } at a new mail file which has a size totalling 10 gigabytes. } A quick look at the file contents leaves him fuming, as the file } appears to contain nothing more than an endless stream of digits. } The beady eyes of the Administrator search the expressions on } the students' faces, and come to rest on a guilty looking student } who appears to be trying to leave in a hurry. } "Hold it!" "Who, me?" "Yes, do you know anything about this?" } } A while later, the problem has been explained and the Administrator } is nodding solemnly. "Well, kid, I'll delete this now, and I never } want to catch you causing trouble again, got that?" } } Suddenly, just one minute after the file is deleted, there is a } loud groan from the Administrator as a new mail file arrives with } the subject line "The Oracle replies! (part 2 of 100)". --- 584-08 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: RICH MCGEE The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Extra Spiffy Wonderful Oracle, who Always Answers Everything Right > (even if the supplicants can't figure it out sometimes), please give > me some good advice. I'm going to get out of the computer mouse race, > and buy a farm and make my living selling pony rides. A two-minute > pony ride sells for $2, and costs me nothing except taking care of the > ponies (I know how to do that) and restraining hundreds of bratty kids > who probably want to kick the ponies. I'll have LOTS of ponies. Is > my plan smart, or stupid? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } REDMOND, WASHINGTON Microsoft today announced a new product, } Pony NT, expected to be out in early 1994. Microsoft's chairman, } Bill Gates, said that "Microsoft intends to be the pre-eminent } supplier of the emerging client-server pony market." Dave } Cutler, who has been suffering from a severe letdown since the } Windows NT project went to manufacturing, is expected to lead the } Pony NT development effort. Said one analyst, "it's his chance } to get back at Digital for cancelling their very promising } thoroughbred development effort code-named "Stewball" years ago." } Cutler is reportedly delighted. "Now I have a reason to scream } at engineering teams again" he said before a Microsoft executive } turned off his microphone. } } In connection with the product introduction, Microsoft filed } lawsuits against the Kentucky Derby for look-and-feel violations, } a certain S. Upplicant for copyright infringement, and a } trademark challenge against the state of Wyoming over their } license plate design. Stac Technologies was named as a } co-defendant in all three lawsuits "just because," according to } an unnamed Microsoft source. "We have more lawyers than they } do, so there." (ends.) } } In other words, most enterprising of supplicants, it is a BAD } idea. I suggest getting into something less competitive, like } building clones of Intel processors. } } You owe The Oracle a KL-10 emulator for NT. --- 584-09 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: RICH MCGEE The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O mighty Oracle, who never listens to pop music, I was watching an > episode of "Beavis and Butt-Head" last night. One of the video clips > they showed was The New Kids on the Block singing "Hanging Tough". Of > course, the characters made fun of them, which is proper and good. The > problem is, when I woke up this morning, I still had that song running > through my head, and I haven't been able to clear it. What can I do? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmmm, "Hanging Tough," you say? Didn't go away overnight? Mmmm, } this sounds serious. I'd like to run a few more tests. Fill } this bottle, please. (Hands supplicant a quart-sized jar and } points to the bathroom.) } } (Several hours and lots of glasses of water later...) } } Just as I feared. A classic case of Pop Syndrome, which is } caused by the organism Topfortius Horribilis, a parasite of the } brain. Yes, it's quite serious if allowed to go untreated. In a } few weeks, you'd be singing along with Pepsi commercials. It's a } good thing we caught it. } } I'm going to put you on a strict regimen: One Shostakovich } symphony in the morning, a Bach cantata at lunch, and some } Strauss before going to bed. Absolutely NO commercial radio. } Yes, NPR is all right in small doses, but be careful with the } folk and progressive shows until you've recovered. Here's a } prescription. I'd like to see you again in two weeks; please } make an appointment on your way out. } } You owe Dr. Oracle $14,439.98 plus tax (U.S. residents), $50 plus } a form (Canadian residents), $0 plus a truckload of forms (EC } residents), or a decent health care plan (Ms. Rodham-Clinton). --- 584-10 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: jrp@widcat.widener.edu The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh great and ponderous Oracle, please tell me where the light goes > after you turn off the switch? I have been racking my brain for > months, then I started wondering about this question. Thank you. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Verily, it was not *I* who switched off the light. Nor did I switch it } on, for do I not bask ever in my own radiance? } } Know ye, mortal, that I am aware of this phenomenon of which you speak } and many others also. The answer to your query is this: the light } goes down the nearest plughole, to wit in an anti-clockwise direction } in the Northern and in a clockwise direction in the Southern } hemisphere. } } I exhort you to use this wisdom only for Good and never on Thursdays.